I Wish....
by crazymiko
Summary: Songfic/my musings It's kinda bad but I felt compelled to post it *glares at her lazy muse*


### This is my first attempt at a songfic be nice when you review!

> ****
> 
> Disclaimers: I don't own Escaflowne it belongs to all the companys that own it. But if the owners are willing to sell it I've got *rummages around her pockets* some pocket lint think about an entire handful of pocket lint. Oh ya I also don't own any of the songs used but if theirs owners are willing to sell the rights my pocket lint offer still stands.
> 
> There are some simiarities to my other fic but they couldn't be helped and for those of you hoped or praying I wouldn't I'm planning to write a sequel or epilouge I haven't decided which to A Feather of stone as soon as I work out some kniks :) I could probably done the whole thing to Show me the meaning of being loney by the backstreet boys but that damn muse always wins those arguements I think the score is seven muse me none. Speaking of which where is that muse? Dang! *grabs a mallet and runs off to go find her muse* 
> 
> ### I wish......
> 
>   


_And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
Without a home without a friend  
Without a face to say hello to  
And now the night is near  
I can make believe he's here_

Hitomi sighed as she stared out the window into the sunset.(It's beatiful, I wish Van was here to see it) thought Hitomi turing back to her work. She scolded herself she left Van four years ago it was time to move on she had a career ahead of her if she worked hard enough but she still coudnd't help but miss him. Pulling a small box out of her drawer Hitomi looked at the white feather inside,  her thoughts trailed off as she walked out of the apartment building.

_Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head_

Hitomi wandered around the streets holding a feather gently in her hands a few passer bys looked at her strangely but other that that didn't pay much head to the crying girl. (Good thing it's raining at least people can't see me crying) thought Hitomi as she wiped a few tears from her face.

"Van why did I go?" she asked herself softly

_Own my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone  
I walk with him till morning  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me_

Hitomi kept walking as she tought about how she missed everything about Van his ruby eyes, the way he held her in his arms. (Why didn't I tell him how I felt why didn't I stay?) she asked herself again crying harder. The rain picked up as she sat down on a bench in the shelter of the bus stop.

_In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever_

Hitomi smiled saldy as she watched the rain on the street, she thought about how Van looked when he was completely soaked, that managed to produce a small chuckle from Hitomi. Hitomi let her thoughts wander and they fell on Merle and Allen. Aleen probably was happy that he finally had his sister back, Merle well God only knows what she's gotten into. Hitomi sighed as her thoughts fell on Van again. (Van has probably already found someone else) thought Hitomi sadly as she stood up and walked out from under the cover of the bus stop.

_And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us_

Hitomi couldn't help but think about the fact that Van could have found someone else, after all she left him she had her chance. (Van I just wish..) Hitomi's thoughts were interrupted when she slipped on a slick step.

_I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river  
Without him  
The world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers_

Hitomi stood up a brushed herself off, she looked at her watch and was suprised when it read 5:00 AM. (Have I been out this long?) she asked herself as she slowly walked towards the apartment complex. Putting a hand in her coat pocket she looked for her keys as she reached her apartments door. Hitomi pulled the keys out of her pocket but noticed something was missing. (Van's feather, where is it?!?) she thought as she desperatly searched her pockets. (I must have left it on the bench back at the bus stop!) Running as fast as she could Hitomi ran to the bus stop.

_I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life  
I've only been pretending Without me  
His world would go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known_

Hitomi smiled when she saw the feather lying on the bench as she rushed over to it. Her face fell when she say that it had been reduced to a wet and broken feather, (Oh Van that was the last reminder of you I had aside from my memories) Hitomi cried as she held the ruined feather to her cheek (Van I wanna be with you I just wish I could) thought Hitomi. She brought her hands up to her neck as if to finger the pendant that was no longer hanging there. Remembering Hitomi had given Van her pendant her last link to Gaea she cried again harder than ever before figuring herself seperated from the land she loved for ever.

_I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Show me the meaning of being loney_

Meanwhile a young Fanalien king paced on a balcony feeling an all too familar sense of longing. Van sighed and leaned against the rail and stared out into the night sky. To some who was just passing by he would appear to be merely star gazing but Van was looking at only one star the mystic moon to be persise.

"Hitomi" said Van softly.

_So many words for the broken heart  
It's hard to see in a crimson love  
So hard to breathe  
Walk with me, and maybe  
Nights of light so soon become  
Wild and free I could feel the sun  
Your every wish will be done  
They tell me_

Van thought about Hitomi as he continued to gaze at the Mystic moon, (Why did I let her go) Van asked himself (Why?) Van could feel the beginngs of tears in his eyes. He brought up his hand to brush away the wetness that had escaped his eyes. Merle simply watched Van from the shadows (Why is he still hoping Hitomi would come back it's been four years!) at this Merle's tail puffed to twice it's size. Van was jerked from his thoughts at the sound of a faint growl.

"Merle come out, have you been spying on me again?" asked Van his voice lacking humor

"Van..." was all Merle could manage as she stepped out of her hiding place

_Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart_

Van fingered the pendant Hitomi had given him before she left as he thought about what to say to Merle, he knew perfectly well that Merle was not happy about the fact he still loved Hitomi. Van started to open his mouth to speak but Merle interrupted him.

"Van you can't keep waiting its been four years" said Merle softly from the shadows. Van sighed she was right but still.

"Merle I can't help it I still love her and I haven't found anyone to fill her place" said Van he instantly regretted it when he saw Merles before she quickly left the balcony.

_Life goes on as it never ends  
Eyes of stone observe the trends  
They never say forever gaze  
Guilty roads to an endless love  
There's no control  
Are you with me now  
Your every wish will be done  
They tell me_

(Great now I've hurt the two people I love) thought Van as a few tears escaped his eyes.

"Hitomi please come back too me, I need you" Van whispered to the silent night sky. (That is selfish why would Hitomi give up her world and family for me) thought Van as he turned to go back in the sight of the Mystic moon was just too painul right now.

_Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart_

Van walked into his room and sat down on the bed his head in his hands as much as he tried he could not think of anything else besides Hitomi. (Why didn't I teel her I love her, why didn't I tell her I needed her) Van asked himself again and again. Van thought about the time they first met, the first time she saw his wings it all seemed so long ago yet he could remember it as if it were yesterday.

_There's nowhere to run  
I have no place to go  
Surrender my heart' body and soul  
How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show_

Van took out his sword deciding to try and take his mind off Hitomi by going and practicing in the garden. With one last sigh Van left for the quiet seculded garden on the outer edge of the palace.

_You are missing in my heart  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are_

Van slashed at the air several times but was still unable to distract his thoughts from Hitomi. (Damn why can't stop think about her) Van asked himself as he lowered his sword.

"Please Hitomi come back please" said Van

_Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hitomi put the feather back on the bench as she stood up and stared into the night sky. Hitomi looked at the North star as she took a deep breath and announced to the world.

"I want to go back to him" she yelled at the night sky as a pillar of light desended on her and took her to the palace and the person she missed so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Van looked up he could almost swear he heard Hitomi declare that she wanted to come back to him. after a moment of silence he shook his head sadly assuming his mind was playing tricks on him as he brought hi sword back up to continue practicing. His practice was cut short when he saw the pillar of light touch down right in front of him leaving a familar girl behind.

"Hitomi.." 

"Van..."

"I missed you Hitomi"

"I missed you too"

A moment of silence passed between them before Hitomi finally spoke

"Aishiteru Van"

"Aishiteru Hitomi"

Gomen that was bad but I felt compelled to right it. *shakes a frying pan in the direction of her cornered muse* Review please Ja Ne! 


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